Meltdown

Picture it:

Minneapolis.

Friday, January 23rd, 2006.

I come home from work ready to check my email and do various other interneting. I flip up the top of my Sony VAIO notebook and this is what I see:




The writing is a little blurry in the picture, so in case you can't read it I'll paraphrase: DANGER! DANGER!! DANGER! YOUR COMPUTER IS ABOUT TO IMPLODE!

Well, how bad could it be right? I tried letting the computer boot up and get into windows to do some last minute, emergency backing-up of important files. Of course, I have a 300G external drive that should have a complete system backup on it, but I was too lazy to do the file transfers when I bought the thing, and of course I never got 'round to doing it at all. So I was hopeful that I'd be able to save at least a few things before my system took its final nose dive. Turns out it was pretty bad already. Here's what my computer looked like after about 20 minutes of trying to load windows:




I have lost everything from the old Sony. Programs, files, any and all contact information I may have had for you, etc, etc. Basically about 50% of my life died with my old hard drive. Should have backed up those files...

So here's the brand spankin' new computer:



It's a Toshiba.

And I have to tell you, buying a computer these days is a rip off. Gone are the days when these things came loaded with really good, free software. Now you get 30 day trials of MS word. What a joke.

But at least I am back. I need your help in regaining contact info. If you think I might know you, please send your email address and other pertinent information to mcmcmcly@earthlink.net

A Spot of Cleaning

I may have caused brain damage today while cleaning the bathroom at the old place. What is it they say about not mixing bleach and ammonia? Well I've never been one to follow the rules, especially with cleaning products. I hate porcelain. No matter how long, or how hard you scrub that shit it just never looks clean. Bathtubs should be made of a more inviting material. Something that might actually look good after two hours of cleaning. And the sad thing is, Drew and I were not living in filth. Can you imagine what it might be like to have to clean this:



Spray, Scrub, Soak, Rinse...

Hot Spots, Hot Looks, Hot Zones, Hot Trends, & Hot Flashes

Today was the always anticipated Spring 'Strategic Set Meeting'(SSM) at JC Penney. Four to Seven times a year, our company broadcasts via satellite important information about the upcoming season's merchandise set to all 1100+ stores. Retail merchandising is a quirky business. I won't bore you with the details of the Spring Set at JC Penney, but it should be noted that all of the Hot items listed in the title are actual initiatives in our company.

Except for Hot Flashes of course. Basically, they all mean the same thing with slightly nuanced features. Most of these terms refer to the manner in which we dress & display the plastic gender forms you are used to seeing in every clothing store. You thought maybe the people in the store decided what outfit to put on the forms? Not so. That would lead to an inconsistent customer experience. You'd be surprised at how little control store-level associates have over merchandise sets. Basically, we just execute someone else's ideas.

This is apparently going to be changing soon. Penney's is on the verge of at least halting, if not reversing the centralization trend within the retail sector. There is a lot of discussion about store-level management gaining increased responsibility for merchandise sets. Much of this type of responsibility was taken away in the rush to centralize the buying and allocation of merchandise. It was also taken away as retailers moved toward a more consistent look within every store.

This works wonders for cookie-cutter stores like Target or Wal-Mart, but Penney's is an old company and not every store looks exactly alike. Hence, our superiors have decided to give us back some of the responsibility that store-level managers lost during the past three decades. This would certainly make my job more interesting. We'll see how much control I am actually given and when.

The Postman is Angry

Even mighty Apple computers infringes on intellectual property. Well, sort of. The Pitchfork article does not explain who actually owns the video, the filmmakers or the band. My guess is that legally the filmmakers own the video, so if they want to sell it to Apple technically I suppose they have every right to sell. It does seem strange though, that no one consulted the band. Especially considering The Postal Service have shown no resistance to plugging their music on television commercials. I think I've heard their songs in no less than 5 current commercials.

On a side note, anyone remember the Denteyne Ice commercial with the Papas Fritas song in it? Boy, I miss that band. They were a lot of fun.

Drew hat das GebÃude verlassen

That's right. Drew left for Denver this evening, and I am officially without my unofficial boyfriend. Granted, we never made it or anything, but it was nice to have a familiar face to come home to. You'd be surprised at how many people at work are shocked when they hear I am not going to Denver as well. They act as if we must have had a bad breakup -- and then they get weird. That's when I walk away. With work associates, I prefer to keep 'em guessing rather than set the record straight.

I'm gonna miss the little guy. But we do have plans to get together every year for the Superbowl (wink).

I have completed 90% of the move downtown. The rest is just a few articles of clothing, and some items Drew abandoned because he couldn't fit them in his car. Now that I live alone I am posting an open invitation for anyone to visit at any time. Ben and the Rock have the opposite weekend off from me, so without Drew around I'll likely get bored every other weekend.

In other news, Corey stood me up last night (shame on you, silly man who falls asleep on his couch) so I had the unfortunate experience of "just waiting for a friend" at the bar for nearly an hour. Finally a couple of guys took pity on me and I ended up having a decent time, even if I did average 20 years younger than my companions.

A shout out goes to all of my international readers as well. Okay, its just one international reader. Tom from the UK has returned from his honeymoon with Roseanne and has graced the pages of PoE. Thanks Tom.

Auf Wiedersehen Drew, even if you don't know what that means.

Why (insert your cable provider here) Sucks

Back to the Web. The guy who came to install my cable service was great. I called him Friday morning, and I had working cable television and internet service by 5 PM. This is almost unheard of. No problems at all really. He showed up on time, set it up and left. Nice guy too.

The problem is with the cable company itself. Here's my minor beef:
The back of the digital cable box has a 'digital audio out' jack. I tried hooking the cable box up to my stereo via this option, but no sound. I thought maybe I had a faulty cord, so I went to Target and laid down $20 for a new one. Take two: still no luck. I was sure it was a problem with my stereo receiver, and spent a bit of time flipping though menu's, changing settings, and the like to see if I could get sound.

Nope.

Then I figured out that the truly digital channels on the "digital cable" had sound with the digital audio connection, but the analog channels (everything you would ever watch) did not. Now it's not my system's fault, so I call Time Warner customer service. Five minutes later the rep tells me the digital audio output on the back of the box is not active. "Yeah, it's on there, but it doesn't work. They had originally planned to offer it, but then changed their minds for some reason" Strike Three.

Okay fine. No big deal. I'm not such an audiophile that I can't watch my television with a standard composite stereo connection. I can take the cable I bought back to Target, and get my money back. The problem I have is that Time Warner claims to offer this capability on their website.

Free markets work wonderfully when they are actually free. But there are some commodities that simply don't fit nicely into the global village, or even the local village for that matter. The answer to my problem with the cable company would naturally be to switch my service to a more customer friendly competitor. But because of the massive infrastructure costs of multiple cable networks in a city, there is no competition.

Okay fine, this is an understandable restriction for this specific product/service, but if you eliminate competition in a marketplace, you must make some attempt at regulation of the resulting monopoly. (Actually, there is competition in the industry, but it is at a level higher than the end user. Municipal governments decide which service provider to grant access to the infrastructure, but the key to winning a government contract is not end-user customer service. Ask yourself, 'What can I do for the Government?' Not 'What can I do for the consumer' if you will) While there may be some minimal regulation in the form of price protection; in terms of the integrity of the company's stated products/services there is no refuge for the consumer. We get screwed.

This is the same problem that plagued the British railway system when it was initially privatized in the 1980-1990s. If Virgin is the only company with rights to use track or station platforms in your city and you are not pleased with their level of service,then you as a consumer are left out of the market equation. You have no alternative. Thus, loosely regulated companies begin skimping on maintenance, on-time results, and customer service in general. Imagine what happened to train service in Britain.

Admittedly, satellite providers are starting to provide competition for the cable companies. But even with the increasing competition from Satellite providers, local cable companies have not been quick to change to a more customer focused business model. Why? I'm not sure. My guess is that cable companies still have a majority of the market share, and as such feel no need to change their policies.

So what can consumers do? I dunno, I just analyze the problems. I don't fix 'em.

A Spot of Moving

I'm in mid-move from our shitty apartment in St Louis Park to my new deluxe apartment in the sky in Loring Park (a lot of parks in this city eh?) For your reading enjoyment, let me refer you to my Sidebar until I return to full blogging capacity. Cupcake posts nearly every day, sometimes more frequently. While DMC does not post often, they are usually worth reading. The others are damn good as well. Have at it.

Or everyone could post comments to this entry, and hijack my blog for a couple of days. Do what you wish. I may be without the inter-neat for a couple of transitionitory days soon if that influences your decision.

I've got the Attic Window Looking out on the Cathedral

Well almost anyway. Here's the views of Loring Park and Downtown Minneapolis from my new home on Oak-Grove Street. The exterior of my new place has a sort of old world "rectangular cube" charm to it. I may live in an ugly building, but the apartment is great, and such great scenery. We even have a full-fledged game room with a foosball table. Can you believe it? It's just like being in a college dorm. Wait a second...

It's fun having a new apartment though. Like having a blank canvas. Now I get to decide how to make it a place people want to be. I now live within walking distance of numerous restaurants, coffee shops, and even a bar or two. That should be enough to attract a few of my friends. The rest I'll have to seduce with grand furnishings and my own brand of hospitality. I have this entire week off from work, so by next Monday the blank canvas you see here will be transformed into a fab, mod, hip, homo pad. Yay!

If anyone is interested in helping me move please contact me. I'll likely be renting a big truck for the bed, couch, tv, etc on Saturday and will need some beefy straight guys (or homos with spunk) to help me move that stuff. Also, if you live out of town, I believe my new pad is a great excuse for you to visit Minneapolis. Really, I need people to hang out with - what with Drew ditching me and all.

Retail Potpourri

Don't ever let anyone convince you that bizarre things don't happen because of a full moon. People who work in retail or healthcare can attest. This weekend we had the crazies in the store. The sheer number of angry customers, unusual questions, and creepy people in the store this weekend was more than enough to drive me a little crazy myself.

Today was the first day we've been back to regular Sunday hours since before the Holidays. I had forgotten how challenging it is to get all the customers out of our store at 6 PM. They are so used to us being open late that we had people still shopping at 6:45. That's insane.

And I got to meet the man who invented Cheerios. At least that is what his grand-daughter told me. For non-Minneapolites, General Mills is based in the Twin Cities (as was its predecessor), so this story is entirely plausible He was in to get the battery on his watch fixed. So there you go.

My Ears Ring

I may be slightly inoxicated, and my ears hurt. Tonight was the firsr venture to the saloon since the breakup. and wouldn't you know it - Jeff was there. We both did a phenominal job of avoiding one another, but it was still awkward. I spent most of the night dancing (can you believe it!) but found myself on the patio for a smoke just as jeff and all of my former friends had the same idea. Boy, did that make it hard to pretend we weren't at the same bar. Child-like? Maybe, but what am I suppossed to do?

I have decided in my drunken stupor that I abhore the Saloon. If I never go back it's fine by me. Soon I'll live within waling distance of the 19, so I can become the old, creepy, lonely guy I am destined to be. Look me up.

Peace

Blood in her Arse

Song lyrics I have messed up at some point in my life:

"She's got blood in her arse for you" - Andrew Byrd

"Money for nothing and your checks for free" - Dire Straits

"What's love cockadoodle" - Tina Turner

"Heyenas will face it your addicted to love" - Robert Palmer

Anyone else have any classic lyric goofs?

Squirrel Fight

Yesterday I surprised a squirrel, or rather a squirrel surprised me, on the way out the back door for a smoke. He was rummaging through our flower-pot-turned-ashtray looking for a scrap of nourishment. I opened the door, he froze. I stamped my feet in his direction but it was no luck. He was not going to budge. I decided not to directly engage my fellow mammal because I didn't want to go to urgent care with a squirrel bite, so I shut the door hoping he would take that as his 'all clear' to bust it outta there.

Nope.

I opened the door again to find the squirrel poised ready to run directly into our apartment. Realizing his sinister intentions, I slammed the door in his face. Then I looked out the sliding door to make sure I had scared him away. Finally it was safe to go outside.

This reminds me of the time a squirrel fell on Andy in Des Moines. I am not making this up. Ben Heykes, Andy, and I were walking down the street when two squirrels zipped past our feet in a frenzy - one being chased by the other. Andy was walking just ahead of Ben and me. The chasee scurried up a young sapling next to the sidewalk. The branch he took refuge on was not strong enough, and it bent severely causing the squirrel to lose it's grip and fall directly onto Andy's head. Really funny. Maybe you had to be there.

My Lazy

My Lazy is a constant, passive lazy; meaning My Lazy is not the kind that keeps me from good hygiene or catapults me toward certain homelessness. Rather, My Lazy is what allows me to wear perfectly co-coordinated, pen-marked ties with my expensive, wrinkly shirts everyday at work. An objective observer might classify My Lazy as a certain lack of follow-through. I prefer to believe that I simply can't be bothered with specifics. I am an idea man. Need a vision? Come to me. Need a vision executed? I'll find someone who can handle that for you.

I am acutely aware of My Lazy, and on a day-to-day basis have learned to cope with it. The unfortunate thing about My Lazy is that all too often it gets me into trouble. For instance, when I get into a relationship that I know from the beginning is destined to end, but can't get out. It is also what allows me to stumble along in the world of retail management instead of trying to find a career I might actually enjoy. And it is what prevents me from pursuing some of my more complicated interests - the ones that might call for even a smudge of dedication. It is the mosquito that ruins my gay parade.

It's not that I'm unhappy per se. I've got friends to remind me that there is more to life than a career. It's more dissatisfaction with the way I have played my hand since leaving university. But it's a lazy dissatisfaction. Just as I often do in my work, I have correctly analyzed the problem (if you will), but can't be bothered to execute the solution.

I've been thinking about this since reading Augusten Burroughs. I am envious of both him and Sedaris. While these two writers have distinct styles, they do share a few common themes. For both men, it seems as if they share something at least similar to My Lazy. It's easy to read Sedaris and think of him as a scavenger - a nomad who just happened to strike oil. Burroughs has more professional drive, but writes about his relationships in the same manner. He seemed to float through guy after guy until stumbling into someone decent.

Of course, neither of these portrayals is accurate. It is just not possible to become a well-known, successful writer unless you have both talent and drive. And I'm fairly sure most successful relationships require more than a passing interest. And this is the problem. This is where my personal 'gay dream' is destroyed.

The inherent fallacy of the worlds these writers have created for us is just too appealing to me. I can't help but tell myself "Look, if Sedaris can fumble through years of insignificance and then suddenly have everything fall into place, well then why shouldn't I believe that might happen to me." What is wrong with this kind of thinking, of course, is that Sedaris no doubt did not just fall into success. He may have been 'discovered' initially, but even if your talent is discovered, you still have to do work to become as well known as he is.

At one time I did feel as though I should be well respected for something, or at least well known. Now I realize that I am not talented enough, nor do I have the passion needed to truly become meaningful on a popular scale. It's fine, not everyone can be Dick Van Dyke. Although I'm not sure who would want to be. So what I am left with is a small group of dedicated friends, a crappy retail job, and My Lazy.

UPDATE: Independent Spirit Awards

I received my official ballot for the Independent Spirit Awards last week. I only made it through two of the movies from NetFlix, and then they sent me two movies I had little interest in watching. All told, I have seen 5 of the 40 movies up for awards. The ballot has to be postmarked by February 16, so I've got some serious movie-watching to do in the next month. Who wants to go to the lagoon with me every night this week?

If I see all the movies in time I might vote. I mean, why not? But just for fun, here's part of the ballot. What are your picks?

Best Feature
	Brokeback Mountain
	Capote
	Good Night, and Good Luck
	The Squid and the Whale
	The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Best First Feature
	Crash
	Lackawanna Blues
	Me and You and Everyone We Know
	Thumbsucker
	Transamerica
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Best Director
	Gregg Araki - Mysterious Skin
	Noah Baumbach - The Squid and the Whale
	George Clooney - Good Night, and Good Luck
	Rodrigo Garcia - Nine Lives
	Ang Lee - Brokeback Mountain
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Best Female Lead
	Felicity Huffman - Transamerica
	Dina Korzun - Forty Shades of Blue
	Laura Linney - The Squid and the Whale
	S. Epatha Merkerson - Lackawanna Blues
	Cyndi Williams - Room
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Best Male Lead
	Jeff Daniels - The Squid and the Whale
	Phillip Seymour Hoffman - Capote
	Terrence Howard - Hustle & Flow
	Heath Ledger - Brokeback Mountain
	David Strathairn - Good Night, and Good Luck
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Beat Documentary
	Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room
	Grizzly Man
	La Sierra
	Romantico
	Sir!! No Sir!!
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Interactrama

There's a fairly new trend in theatre whereby a person can pay money to experience a simulated life event. These entertainments are interactive dramas where the line between audience and performer is blurry to say the least, and character development trumps any kind of plot development or progression. Examples include "Tony & Tina's Wedding" and the show I experienced last night, "The Awesome 80's Prom."

Now, in and of itself, this idea is not without merit. I can imagine some really entertaining possibilities to explore within this format (a murder mystery plot seems perfect for this kind of theatre), but too often the 'writers' take the easy way out. Certainly this was the case with 80's prom. The entire experience relies too heavily on the audience's personal memories and stereotypes of life in the 1980s. The plot was so thin, and the characters so underdeveloped that the whole experience came off flat. It felt very much as if we had paid a lot of money to go to an 80's night at one of the local discos.

I am left at the end of the evening asking "What's the point?" There was no real story to speak of, none of the characters changed in any way during the performance, and the audience didn't learn anything about life, theatre, or even the 80s. Was this even a performance, or just a high priced theme night?

VFW her? I hardly even knew her!

The much anticipated photos from last night's jam session at the VFW are here! A good time was had by all, and I was only slightly late for work this morning.


Mike & Kara "look into my eyes while I play with my ear."


This picture is just asking to be photoshopped


Will eats popcorn. Mike cops a feel?


They just saw Brokeback Mountain.


I swear Drew is straight. Really, I mean it.


Ben reverse look room


He should have married me


Joe massive headroom


Will steals camera, catches me off guard


No one is posing for this, we are all just that disconnected


Rajasree & newguy Phil


William and Mike


Dance party while Ray sings

Everybody Hates you Wendy Pepper

Last night's Project Runway was pretty generic. Tim is by far the most compellig reason to watch this show. What a great character -- he seems like the perfect blend of a certain kind of New York, wine and cheese, fashionisto, homo. I love everything about him. He even does podcasts! Nicky Hilton makes for a rather boring muse in my opinion. They might as well have been designing for Dave Coulier. From what I understand he looks equally stunning in haute coture. That said I thought Nick deserved the win over Santino, but then again I think Nick is dreamy. Guadalupe leaving over that awful woman Marla was a shame. I think any original idea is worth more than simply copying someone else's design anyday. With just 10 designers left, here are my picks for the final three:

1) Nick -- No question he has the attention of the judges. The question is will he maintain his creative newness with every show, or will we get tired of seeing the same old idea refabricated.

2)Daniel V. -- I put him as the second finalist, but I feel like he might slip up along the way. He's a solid, middle of the road guy who seems to know what the judges want to see. Will he have a meltdown, or will he make it to the final three?

3)Zulema -- She's sort of a sleeper as they haven't keyed in on her personality much, but her designs always seem solid to my amateur eye. She could well end up in the final three with the audience wondering "who is this girl?" The producers better take note (or just kick her off).

You'll notice that I left Santino off the list. I think he may be one of the 3 best designers on the show, but I feel like the judges are waiting for a chance to get rid of him. It boils down to how much pull the judges have over the producers. If last year is any indication, Santino may sail into the finals. I think they are over-developing his character in order to make him the 'shocker' when he finally gets cut. It also seems he is fairly well established as a west-coast designer, so I'm not sure making the final three would be as important for him personally as it would be for some of the other designers.

That's my breakdown. Wow, I never thought I would be handicapping the project runway contestants. I need to get out more.

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VFW sing-a-long tonight. Pictures to follow...

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You are now free to move about the Living Room

(Some of) The infamous "southwest corner" pictures from the old uptown abode are now online. Look for your memorable pose here. If anyone (Joe) has the rest of the pics I'd love to have them for the album. These are unaltered originals with no edits. Maybe when I get less lazy I'll fix 'em up all pretty like.

The News is Next

I am not particularly sentimental, and as such am not much for collecting mementos, but there are a few exceptions. I'd like to introduce everyone to my scratch-n-sniff Carl Kassell window cling. My unusually large-headed buddy here is a reminder of my days in public radio. My last year at WOI was also the first year of "Wait,Wait" and the people at Chicago Public Radio sent these to us. Go ahead and scratch your computer screen and see if you can tell what flavour of coffee Carl prefers.

I have kept this silly thing for nearly five years now, and it's always someplace where I can see it. I think I like it so much because the job at WOI was the best I've ever had. Unfortunately, my employment there had to end the day I graduated from university. I've been looking for a similar experience ever since and so far I haven't found it. I keep Carl because he reminds me that I still have hope. That I have felt good about my work before and that just maybe I can feel that way again in the future. Or maybe I just think having a Carl Kassell window cling is pretty damn cool.

"Wait Wait" is a great show. And for any loyal listeners who might have wondered, a quick web search reveals that Roy Blount Jr is NOT related to Congressman Roy Blount of Missouri. So that settles that.

A Room with a View

I've been hunting for a new apartment today. For those readers who are behind the curve, my roommate of two-plus years, Drew, is moving to Littleton, Colorado at the end of this month. It's no secret that I have never been a big fan of our current place; its too dark, too hot, and just plain pedestrian. Not to mention its in the burbs. Mind you, we live less than 5 minutes from Downtown, but it is still technically the burbs and I miss urban bliss.

So with Drew leaving town I finally have the opportunity to find a new home. After considering my options, I decided it was best to pursue living alone. It took me the better part of two years to learn to live with Drew, and I decided I didn't have the patience to learn to live with a new person right now. Now I am under some self-imposed pressure to find the best living space in Minneapolis. This pressure has allowed me to put off actually looking for a place for the past month and a half. Today was my "oh shit" day.

Ben and I drove all over Minneapolis today looking for a reasonably priced 1 bedroom apartment for me in a decent part of town. This is especially frustrating because I've been living on the cheap for so long with every conceivable amenity. I am exciting about living alone again, but it looks as if that decision will not come without some financial repercussions. Equally worrying is the fact that I have to find a place to live very very soon or I will be begging under the loring bridge. I have three weeks to find a place I like and can afford. Damn you Drew.

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I'm a believer , Alien puppy , If I had a million dollars.

2006: Scene 1, Take 1

Here's how my new year started:

I slipped and fell on the ice outside of my apartment because I was distracted by a flock of crows looking suspiciously my way. The fall created a small hole in my pants, which I didn't notice until I was at work. While at work, I further hurt my already scratched knee, twisting it as I tried to move a table four times my size. Later at work, I walked straight into the elevator door. The door was closing, I put my hand out to reverse it, looked away thinking the door was now opening as slammed right into it. Cindee (our receptionist at work) had a good laugh at my expense.

"CUT!"

2006 is off to a rather inauspicious start. I want a mulligan.