Y-O-U-N-K-E-R-S

The name of a department store chain in Iowa. At the age of 12 I believed the recently released play Lost in Yonkers was probably about a kid who was separated from his parents while shopping at the store. In my head, the kid lived in the store and learned to take care of himself. Hiding from the staff during the day, and talking to mannequins at night. The whole thing was very Today's Special.

I found out in High School that Yonkers was a neighborhood in New York, so that sorta crushed my original theory.

Back in those naive days, Younkers was nothing more than a small, independent, privately traded company. Now, as is the case with all regional department stores, it is part of a much bigger chain of stores that have been mish mashed together by industry consolidation. Younkers however, is not part of the Federated/May mega-chain. So it will not become a Macy's anytime in the near future. As of March of this year, Younkers is owned by Bon-Ton stores. They also own the Carson Piere Scott and Herberger's names as well. The company says it plans to leave the old nameplates in tact.

At least for a few more years.

Would you be interested in taking a brief survey?

I've been meaning to post about this for some time now. There is a market research company at Southdale that does customer surveys for various consumer products. Most of the time the clients are the usual, mundane type You know; contact lens solutions, soaps, new energy bars and the like. I know too much about this business because the manager employs ALL of the Southdale mall rats. And they all hang out in the smoking lounge, which I visit approximately once every 10 minutes during my work day.

Yesterday, said mall rats were discussing a new survey. The Product? One battery powered, vibrating cock ring. Yes that's right. Unsuspecting window shoppers at Southdale mall are being asked to take home a cock ring, try it out with a consenting partner, and then return to the mall to answer a detailed questionnaire about the product. So if you are looking for a free cock ring, head to Southdale. Naturally, we just need you to sign here, here, here...here, here... here, here, here, and here before we can allow you to take part in the survey.

Way!

People around the world are shrugging their shoulders in apathy upon hearing the news that former 'N SYNC star Lance Bass is gay. Bass, the former bass singer for the American pop music band 'N SYNC, told the shocking truth to a handful of uninterested reporters eating breakfast at Dennys in Palo Alto, CA. One reporter on the scene was quoted "That's great kiddo, I'll have the Grand Slam; Eggs over easy, wheat toast,and bacon. Oh, and a glass of orange juice." Bass's employment could not be verified at the time this story went to print.

For more on this story, we turn to PoE Special correspondent, Odessa Goodwyn.

Odessa?...

Let's Get Physical

We're preparing for yet another walkthrough at the JC this week. This time, its the DM visit which was pre-empted for our corporate big dogs two weeks ago. I've been on vacation since the last store tour, so I've been feeling behind all week. My portion of the visit was intended for tomorrow. Luckily, our DM ambiguously hurt his back yesterday, and as such the tour has been post-poned by one day. So now I've got an extra day to prepare. This is about the best possible scenario for me personally, as I need the extra time to make everything just right. Or rather, to make everything barely passable.

Also, Joe Lew and Angie leave for the left coast Wednesday. Tonight is a celebratory bowling send off at Park Tavern. (Good riddance) This on the heels of what was supposed to be the big last hurrah Saturday night. It was a gay old time, there's no denying it. But we left wanting more of our two favorite people about to leave the Twin Cities. So bowling it is!

In other news, I recently discovered that Grand Junction, Colorado has an honest to G-d airport. One with real jet planes and everything. This is exciting news, as it increases the odds of me visiting Drew by 100%.

A Haiku for You

Yeasty fish fingers
Covered in fresh beer batter
Who wants to try one?

**please feel free to leave your own Haiku comment**

Do the Right Thing

Cupcake, Rick, and I had a conversation over dinner last weekend about first dates. Specifically, what we talk about when first meeting a new person. Because I am shallow, I decided long ago that what really counts in assessing a potential mate is what he likes, not to be confused with what he is like. That is to say my questions generally revolve around possible interests: books, music, films, television shows, politics, etc. If I deem the candidate's taste worthy, then he's in. If he's into Keney Chesney and loves watching reruns of The Nanny, then he's out.

Cupcake is somewhat less shallow than me, and as such talks about subjects that might learn you something about a person. She likes to ask about family: brothers, sisters, parents, godparents. For Cupcake, this strategy seems to pay off, but it does have some pitfalls. There is a finite amount of family information a person is comfortable divulging on a first date, and one must be rather careful to avoid crossing into a vein of conversation that runs dangerously close to this tolerance level. Go too far, and you've ended the date -immediately. Also, that person will forever recall you as "just creepy."

Here's a tested example of a question not to ask on a first date: "So, which of your parents do you want to die first?" The answer was definitive, but not in the intended way. In defense, the question is taken slightly out of context, but it's better if I don't go explaining it away.

Everything is Green

The Essex Green is a f-ing great band. I highly recommend the newest album "Cannibal Sea." Or any of the previous albums for that matter. I always thought of them as more of a side project, but as is sometimes the case, the side project has become more popular and successful than the primary enterprise.




For those of you who aren't familiar, The Essex Green are a kind of country/rock fusion band. They are a remnant from the old Elephant 6 record label that was producing some great artists in the mid to late 1990's. I know this may sound aweful to some readers, but really its amazing. Think Calexico only without the obnoxious antics of Conor Oberst. And The Essex Green are better. Trust me.

Or as Alka Seltzer says "Try it, You'll Like It!"

The Slack: Pickin' it Up

You may or may not already know that Cupcake is taking a hiatus from blogging. While I realize my site is not first on the list of great blogs to read until ToCM returns, I'll nevertheless try to do my part in keeping you entertained by posting on a more frequnt basis. About what exactly, I'm not sure. But tune it becuase I'm certain it will be amazing. Truely.

And in case I fail to live up to my end of the bargain, you can always read about life on the farm.

What had happened was (blank), and that's what had happened!

Riding Subways for a hobby is sad.


But also makes for some great stories.


Ever seen a gang of queer thugs? I have. They were on the train with us Friday night on the way back to our hotel from Brooklyn. Of course, they weren't real thugs, just drunk homos who liked to dance and freestyle. Remember that Julia Stiles movie? Very similar.

People, why on earth are you riding the train with your newborn/infant/toddler at 2 AM?

Empty subway cars on otherwise packed trains = bad news. Death, defecation, wild animals, or worse - a broken air conditioner.

Family vacationers are easy targets. Especially when wearing "Freedom isn't Free" shirts with huge Bald Eagles or American Flags screen printed on the front.

18 minutes is a long time to wait for your Metrocard to work again.

Mind the gap people, mind the gap.

Ladies and Gentlemen, will you please take your seats...

Our flight home from JFK was scheduled to leave New York at 7 PM. That's about the time we first got on the plane. Then we sat. And waited. And waited some more. 5 hours, a billion runway changes, and one thunderstorm later; we finally took off for Minneapolis. What was supposed to be a 3 hour tour, turned into an 8 hour confinement with exhaust-filled air and no possibility of sneaking away for a cigarette. Ugh.

But hey, we made it back. No pictures or anything this time, because I took not a one. But I did have a great time. Thanks to Cupcake and Lexi for entertaining us.

Make it Work!

Its baaaack!



Season 3 of Project Runway kicked off last night on Bravo. The show has aparently been doing so well, Bravo has decided to air two seasons a year. Hence the new summer season. 15 designers this time around, although its down to 14 after last night of course. I won't tell you who was Auf'd last night in case you didn't see it.

I was most excited becasue I got to use a great Project Runway story during my corporate visit yesterday. I had two goals for the walkthough: 1) Make sure our corporate visitors left knowing our business is alive and well, and 2) Talk about Project Runway.

Mission Accomplished.

WTF?

Something has happened to my blog. I dunno what is up. I suspect that the template I was using is either no longer being serviced, or is undergoing some dramatic changes. Until I figure out what is up, you'll just have to get used to the (ahem) new format.

By the way, that walkthrough today? Oh yeah, I totally nailed it. Party on Dave

Red Alert

Our store was supposed to have our once-a-year official walkthrough with the district manager on Monday and Tuesday of this week. Its silly in a way, as the DM is based out of our store. So he walks through everyday and sees just about everything we do wrong. But this is an official visit, and we get a score for it, so its kind of a big deal. I say the district walkthrough was supposed to be this week because it is no long er this week. It has been pre-empted by a Corporate walkthrough on Wednesday.

The regional manager, Janice,(Midwest, that's Texas to Minnesota for those coastal or international readers) will be touring instead. And she's bringing along a special guest: the Executive Vice President and Director of Stores for the entire company, Mike. Or rather, he is visiting and bringing Janice as his guest. Whichever way you spin it, the stress level went up about 1 million notches.

This will not be as bad as the time the CEO visited the store up in Maple Grove just after we first opened. Nevertheless, if you were planning on seeing or hearing form me between tonight and Wednesday at five you can just about forget it. I'll be working 9am to 9 pm at least on Monday and Tuesday.

But hey, I'm going to New York to visit Cupcake and other friends on Friday. So its not all bad news right?

People in my Neighborhood

because apparently writing an original post every day is just too much for me, I treat you to some home-made photos: