The weekend started out magnificently, with loads of sunshine and warm temps for most of the day Saturday. The runners got to run, the boaters got to boat, and the loafers got to loaf. Things began to turn late in the afternoon, with the skies darkening substantially and finally opening up. Best laid plans for bon firing smores had to be cancelled. Exhausted from the sun earlier in the day, everyone drifted to sleep before Midnight.
Today's sky has an inauspicious tone, and I am weary. While a day inside watching old episodes of Will & Grace on Lifetime would typically be just fine, we're in the woods damnit. And we're suppossed to be outside on a boat getting drunk and later sitting by a fire getting more drunk.
Every time I'm vacationing in an outdoor setting, I am reminded of a particular family vacation from the early 90s. My parents and I were in one of those Northeastern states (Oregon?), when we decided to take a jet boat trip on a particular river in the area known for its dangerous rapids. Ordinarily, these jet boat trips are relatively begnign. The boats have so much power they are able to glide right over the rapids without a person inside even getting mist on his shoulder. It's just a touristy trap kind of thing.
On this day, we were joined on our timid excursion by a woman whose exact weight was hard to pin down, but I'd guess she topped 400 Lbs easily. If you know anything about boating, you'll know that most boats aren't designed to accomodate this kind of monstosity. There was pretty much only one safe place for this woman on the boat -- right in the middle as close to the aft end as possible. Of course, she wouldn't have much of a view from that position, so the woman refused the captain's polite suggestion and took a seat (or three) on the side of the boat, near the front.
All is well until we get to the first rapids. As the captain guides us into the rapids, I notice this particular venture is much more choppy than the usual glide. The boat is violently rocking back and forth, and side to side. Water is splashing into the boat with every churn. Suddenly there is a very large noise "THUD." The 400 Lbs gorilla has fallen out of her seat and is laying face first in the middle of the boat - quite obviously in some pain. The captain leave the wheel and rushes to her aide. Remember that we are still in the rapids, bouncing up and down and getting compltetely soak. And now there is no one guiding the boat.
After making sure the wmoan was still concious, and not bleeding severly, the captain returned to the controls and turned the boat around. A new problem emerges. With the extra weight spraled out in misery at the front of the boat, we don't have enough power to get back up the rapids. The captain begins yelling for all of us to move forward and backward on the boat; trying to use the waves form the rapids to help propell us back up the river.
This strategy works, and before long we are out of danger. The obese woman is removed from the boat and ambulanced away, and the rest of us set off to test the river again. This time 'round all is smooth sailing, The boat glides over the river rapids just as it is designed to do.
A few years after this vacation, my family got a phone call at our home in Iowa. The woman who fell was suing the tour company, and we were required to give depositions about the accident. Lawyers from both sides called and interviewed us abotu our recollection. We never got flown to Oregon for the trial, and I never heard if the woman won her case.
Today's sky has an inauspicious tone, and I am weary. While a day inside watching old episodes of Will & Grace on Lifetime would typically be just fine, we're in the woods damnit. And we're suppossed to be outside on a boat getting drunk and later sitting by a fire getting more drunk.
Every time I'm vacationing in an outdoor setting, I am reminded of a particular family vacation from the early 90s. My parents and I were in one of those Northeastern states (Oregon?), when we decided to take a jet boat trip on a particular river in the area known for its dangerous rapids. Ordinarily, these jet boat trips are relatively begnign. The boats have so much power they are able to glide right over the rapids without a person inside even getting mist on his shoulder. It's just a touristy trap kind of thing.
On this day, we were joined on our timid excursion by a woman whose exact weight was hard to pin down, but I'd guess she topped 400 Lbs easily. If you know anything about boating, you'll know that most boats aren't designed to accomodate this kind of monstosity. There was pretty much only one safe place for this woman on the boat -- right in the middle as close to the aft end as possible. Of course, she wouldn't have much of a view from that position, so the woman refused the captain's polite suggestion and took a seat (or three) on the side of the boat, near the front.
All is well until we get to the first rapids. As the captain guides us into the rapids, I notice this particular venture is much more choppy than the usual glide. The boat is violently rocking back and forth, and side to side. Water is splashing into the boat with every churn. Suddenly there is a very large noise "THUD." The 400 Lbs gorilla has fallen out of her seat and is laying face first in the middle of the boat - quite obviously in some pain. The captain leave the wheel and rushes to her aide. Remember that we are still in the rapids, bouncing up and down and getting compltetely soak. And now there is no one guiding the boat.
After making sure the wmoan was still concious, and not bleeding severly, the captain returned to the controls and turned the boat around. A new problem emerges. With the extra weight spraled out in misery at the front of the boat, we don't have enough power to get back up the rapids. The captain begins yelling for all of us to move forward and backward on the boat; trying to use the waves form the rapids to help propell us back up the river.
This strategy works, and before long we are out of danger. The obese woman is removed from the boat and ambulanced away, and the rest of us set off to test the river again. This time 'round all is smooth sailing, The boat glides over the river rapids just as it is designed to do.
A few years after this vacation, my family got a phone call at our home in Iowa. The woman who fell was suing the tour company, and we were required to give depositions about the accident. Lawyers from both sides called and interviewed us abotu our recollection. We never got flown to Oregon for the trial, and I never heard if the woman won her case.
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