Things that make you go Boom

Savoy salvo

Aaron Sorkin must be a big Gilbert and Sullivan fan.

There's and episode of The West Wing featuring the song "For he is an Englishman" from H.M.S. Pinafore. Guest star John Larroquette, playing White House counsel Lionel Tribby, argues with Toby about which musical the song is from - The Pirates of Penzance or H.M.S. Pinafore. The episode culminates in half the cast singing "Englishman" to the new republican legal aide.

Now, in just the second episode of his new show, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Sorkin gives us more G & S with a parody of "I am the very model of a modern major general." Studio 60 is itself a parody of SNL. The protagonists of the new series, Bradley Whitford and Mathew Perry, are the recently rehired producers of the program. They are brought back to save the show's image after an embarrassing rant during the monologue of a previous telecast of Studio 60.

Perry's character comes up with a spoof of "Major General" that makes fun of the show and it's improper image. They even include a jab about Whitford's character and his alleged cocaine problem - which is itself a self-deprecating joke, as Sorkin allegedly has/had a drug problem.

I hope he uses a song from Ruddigore in his next series.

White Dwarfs

Move over Burt Reynolds, you've got company on Celebrity Jeopardy! Personally, I'm pulling for Doug Savant.

"I'm not a gay Doctor, but I play one on TV."

We just blue ourselves

"BOB LOBLAW LOBS LAW BOMB!"

We have all collectively made a terrible mistake.

We all knew Arrested Development was going to be cancelled at some point during the 3rd season. And as such, we adopted a "wait 'till DVD" mentality regarding the show. Figuring "sure, we like it, but we alone cannot save it from certain doom." FOX called our bluff and cancelled the show months ago. But it's only just now, mid-way though watching the final episodes of the "best show on TV you've never seen," that we realize we should have heeded those warnings from FOX a year ago, and at least turned on out television sets during AD's time slot. Because we've all gone and ruined the best show ever by waiting to see the DVD.

Man, are we stupid or what?

OPERATION: HOT MOTHER

Top of the Mornin' to Ya, little boy!

Would you like a bowl of Lucky Charms? Or would you rather see the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow? Let's go here next summer.

Gremlins

My toilet keeps running until I lift the back to see what's the matter, at which point it stops.

This is happening with every flush. And no matter when I go to check for a problem, be it 2 minutes or 2 hours.

I think the chain must be getting caught.

Slanginess

Drew and I work for the same company - I got him his start. But now he's graduated from the management training program, and we're essentially on equal footing. This means its time for a friendly wager. We decided on a race to see who could climb the retail version of the corporate ladder most quickly.

The details are still a little sketchy. That is, I'm not sure what Drew will have to buy/give me when I win yet. I imagine we'll work that out when he comes to visit in early October. There should be no shock to learn that my plan is to eat ass and suck dick all the way to the top, and then wipe the shit and cum off my face with $1,000,000 bills. So Drew, you'll have to come up with a different plan.

Wow, that sentence was sure fun to write. I hope you enjoy reading it. Is it too vulgar? Or just too honest? Remember what it was like to be young and idealistic and feel like you had the whole world in the palm of your hand? Neither do I.

Anyway enough rambling, and on to the point: Our jobs have gone through an equally slow and yet painfully sudden change. Where sales managers were once were empowered to make important decisions about the growth of their business, we now have pom poms, leggings and short, short skirts.

We're executioners dressed up as cheerleaders; all the while screaming "Isn't our company great!?!"

I love it.

Seriously it is a lot of fun.

But sometimes it's hard to find new ways to motivate your team to do the exact same tasks they've been doing for weeks-if-not-months. That's really where the fun comes in, and Drew and I seem to use at least one similar tactic:

INCORPORATE POP-CULTURE REFERENCES

Drew spent weeks telling people "It sizes and colorizes, or else it gets the hose again!" I'm pretty sure no one ever got it, but they we're sufficiently creeped out to speedily run away and find a project.

I started my pop culture reference with "Make it Work." Apparently no one on my team is a big Project Runway fan. So I've switched it up a bit, and gone with a commercial. So now when someone looks as though he's up to no good: "You agitatin' my dots!?!" I say, and laughs ensue.

Another great technique:

EMPOWERING YOUR TEAM

In attempting to delegate without having to give step-by-step instructions, Drew and I have developed remarkably similar phrases.

His: "Make it look like it was done on purpose."

Mine: "Make it look like you meant to do that."

So basically its a dead heat. Check back in 10 years or so, and we'll see who's really the top in this relationship.


*Apologies to Drew for having ripped off his TM catch-phrases, for accusing him of being a shit eating yuppie, and for implying consensual sex might someday occur between the two of us.

Just off the Wire

Europe tries out life as a RED state for a while.

Well, not really. Maybe red as in upstate New York. But certainly not red as in Arkansas. Its worth noting that voters in Sweden went for the moderate party in recent elections.

And surprise, surprise. The ultra-right is back in Germany. That's right, Neo-Nazis now have 7 seats in various German 'state' parliaments. Sure Cupcake, Germans can be cute when you're dealing with just one or two, but put a bunch of them together and you've got a real mess on your hands.

Like taking a bunch of New York City drag queens and dropping them in the middle of no-name Texas.

Crap on a Crap Cracker

The bad guys won today.

Iowa sucks.

[sad emoticon]

End of post.

Via Five-oclock-bot: Someone call John Stossel

Let's pretend we're eating steak

You probably already know this, but I'm just getting around to writing about it so bear with me. Apparently there is a new(radio?) commercial for Outback Steakhouse that features the Of Montreal song "Wraith Pinned to the Mist (and other games)". Only the song has been transformed into a jingle.

I've looked up and down the World Wide Web, and cannot find any video or audio evidence to back this up. But I know it's true because I read it on Pitckfork. I really want to hear it because I cannot imagine how this song could be effectively used to advertise a steakhouse. So if anyone happens to know where I can catch a listen, please let me know in the comments.

In absence of the actual commercial, I give you my best guess:

Lets pretend we're eating steak.
Lets pretend we're at Outback Steakhouse
Lets all eat a bloomin' onion
Lets pretend we're at Outback Steakhou-auh-auhse.

Gubenuj spelled backwards is

I know I'm late to the party here, but I just recently saw Junebug, and it was f-ing amazing. If I were into hyperbole, I would say its "one of the best movies of all time." But I'm not going to say that, even though I may have if you'd asked me 5 minutes after I first experienced it.

No doubt there is something in this film for everybody, but I think it especially fun to watch for anyone who grew up in a small town/rural environment, and later moved to the big city. It gets so many of those complicated emotions right, and it does so in a manner that feels effortless.

I love movies that don't feel the need to wrap up all the loose ends --to make you feel like a whole life experience fits neatly into an hour and a half. The fact that Junebug avoids this pitfall elevates the whole experience for me. I kept waiting to be disappointed by 'quick fix' resolutions that did not do the characters justice, but they never came.

How did I not see this one sooner?

On the Road

Another road trip to Ames/Des Moines is in the books. And yet another nail-biting win by the Cyclones. Its a shame we can't put these mediocre teams away before the last play of the game. But maybe we're just as mediocre as them. Only time will tell.

[Insert your own sports cliche here]

Ben, Rick, and I tried to pull off some real tailgating for this go 'round with somewhat limited success. We bought one of those 'one-time-use' grills from the grocery. It worked, sorta. If you call waiting 2 hours to cook 4 burgers working. Next time I vote we go through the drive-up window at Burger King.

This will be my last trip to Des Moines for a few weeks. I have to work the weekend of the next home game. Plus, driving back and forth is starting to put a strain on my already limited budget. Damn me and my expensive habits.

Pre-emptive Dumping

This post is in no way related to the end of The Daily Dump, a great blog which for some reason never made it onto my daily "must read" list.

This post is about getting "dumped" after just one date. The hang up? I smoke, he doesn't. Read between the lines: "man, i really don't want to date anyone right now, how can i get out of this one?" Yet, we still have plans to go on a not-date later this evening. It's up in the air now, whether he'll follow through.

I think this is really funny. Most people I've told also laugh, then apologize for laughing. No need for apologies. But really, after one date?

I realize that smoking carries a significant stigma for a number of people. Maybe this is only because I am a smoker, but to me this sort of hang up seems like something a person could live with at least during the "get to know you" phase. If we hit it off but the smoking is an issue, then maybe it would be okay to talk about it and the impact on the developing relationship. Maybe my love-brain is moving slower than his - I dunno. Maybe he has us moving in together in a week or two, and so now seemed the appropriate time.

Maybe this is a Karma thing for my break-up with a former boy because of his vote for Bush in the Presidential election.

PoE Voila!

Love it or hate it. The Patriots of Europe have a new page design thanks to blogger in beta.

I'm not really sure I needed to make the switch, as I had figured out how to code in HTML and CSS just enough to get blogger to do what I wanted it to do. Now I don't have to think at all -- I just point & click and copy & paste.

I am a HUGE fan of the new spellchecker though. It totally rocks my world.

Hmpfh

What a long three days.

It's not often a person can legitimately complain about working only 3 days in a row, but man were we busy this weekend. Plus i worked a full 33 hours in those 3 days. So that's something, right?

A combination of rain on Saturday and Sunday, plus a touch of "Oh shit, the kids have to go back to school tomorrow and we haven't bought them anything and -- oh my god look at your pants! They're at your shins. And those shoes! Jesus Christ, we better go shopping. But its already past 5 PM. What's that? JC Penney is open until 10? Kids, get in car, now!" on Monday kept me running all weekend.

But now i have two days off, and work only 2 of the next 6 days.

PlayStation baseball here I come.

Speechless

Wow.

Steve Irwin, the Crocidile hunter, is dead.

Aparently he got stung directly in the heart by a sting ray while diving.

This is just aweful.

Party like its Nineteen Ninety Something

Team huddle: Bowling party

I hung out with my sales team tonight at Southtown lanes. The worst bowling alley in the metro. The lanes are basically sawdust. Also, at first, only two people form my team showed up. But eventually we had a pretty decent crowd. I played a couple of games with 'em, and then left them to get wasted without their boss.

Rick had just returned from a long weekend in Iowa, and we had made plans to go out for a drink or two after my bowling obligation. Little did i know that he and his buddies would end up at the Gay 90's.

The name of this club really makes very little sense. It's not much of a gay club, really. So the first part is out. And te 90's? Well, the 1890s were pretty gay I guess. Needless to say, the club was packed to the rafters. Its the place to be on the Sunday night of Labor Day weekend aparently. Withing 30 seconds of walking in the door I had run across no less than 5 different people I would never expect to see at the 90's. Co-workers, ex boyfriends, high school classmates, you name it. I saw someone to fit the description.

I found Rick in the Retro bar, along with 1000 other 'homos.' One nice thing about the 90's is that they mix one hell of a strong drink (as you can no doubt tell by reading this post). I basically got half a bottle of wiskey in every 7&7 I oredered. Rad.

Aside:
Rajasree does not believe that the sign for the Gay 90's in meant to respresent a penis penetrating a butthole. I wish I had a picture of the sign at night, because it is so obvious -- its not even funny.

Go you Cyclones!

For all the ISU alumnus reading this post:

Don't know the words...
Don't know the words...
Don't know the words to this stupid fucking song!

State: 45
Toledo: 43