Can't Cook Won't Cook

Drew laughed at me when I first bought my paper shredder, but sitting here today spending the better part of an hour shredding the piles of unsolicited credit offers that have been gathering on the dining table for two months; I was quite thankful for my purchase.

Does everyone else get the exact same offer from the exact same credit card company almost daily? I'm sure there must be a way to opt out of these mailings, but I'm too lazy to go to all the trouble that must necessarily be associated with that.

MB has decided that a grown man such as myself has no excuse for not ever learning to cook. She's got it in her head that I need personal cooking lessons from none other than herself. I'm apprehensive about the whole thing, and have already cancelled two planned sessions. Its not that I can't cook. Despite popular belief, I do know how to boil a pot of water, and can even do a nice number with chicken breasts, butter, and olive oil on the range. My aversion is to the messy clean-up process associated with meal preparation. And though I have developed a reputation as one of the most lazy people on earth, its not even that I'm too lazy to clean up after myself.

I just really don't like cleaning up food. Its such a hassle, especially without a disposal. Food is fun when its hot and before it's been consumed. But as soon as it's eaten it really loses it's charm. I hate those squishy bits of soft unknown stuck to the plate, the soggy cooked veggies that tasted great but now are disintegrating rapidly. And the smell of consumed, cold, wet food is too much for my fragile senses.

Plus, no matter how hard I scrub a pot, pan, dish or glass. And no matter how hot the water is, or how much soap I use, I am never confident that my cleaning has been useful in any way. I could spend an hour washing one plate and decide it still isn't clean.

So there it is. That's why I don't cook. Let's go get a Pizza.

On a related note, has anyone seen the commercial for that automatic shower cleaner? I'm sure it doesn't work well, but the idea of never having to clean the shower again is very appealing. Someone else buy it and tell me if it works.