Things that make you go Boom

Savoy salvo

Aaron Sorkin must be a big Gilbert and Sullivan fan.

There's and episode of The West Wing featuring the song "For he is an Englishman" from H.M.S. Pinafore. Guest star John Larroquette, playing White House counsel Lionel Tribby, argues with Toby about which musical the song is from - The Pirates of Penzance or H.M.S. Pinafore. The episode culminates in half the cast singing "Englishman" to the new republican legal aide.

Now, in just the second episode of his new show, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Sorkin gives us more G & S with a parody of "I am the very model of a modern major general." Studio 60 is itself a parody of SNL. The protagonists of the new series, Bradley Whitford and Mathew Perry, are the recently rehired producers of the program. They are brought back to save the show's image after an embarrassing rant during the monologue of a previous telecast of Studio 60.

Perry's character comes up with a spoof of "Major General" that makes fun of the show and it's improper image. They even include a jab about Whitford's character and his alleged cocaine problem - which is itself a self-deprecating joke, as Sorkin allegedly has/had a drug problem.

I hope he uses a song from Ruddigore in his next series.

White Dwarfs

Move over Burt Reynolds, you've got company on Celebrity Jeopardy! Personally, I'm pulling for Doug Savant.

"I'm not a gay Doctor, but I play one on TV."

We just blue ourselves

"BOB LOBLAW LOBS LAW BOMB!"

We have all collectively made a terrible mistake.

We all knew Arrested Development was going to be cancelled at some point during the 3rd season. And as such, we adopted a "wait 'till DVD" mentality regarding the show. Figuring "sure, we like it, but we alone cannot save it from certain doom." FOX called our bluff and cancelled the show months ago. But it's only just now, mid-way though watching the final episodes of the "best show on TV you've never seen," that we realize we should have heeded those warnings from FOX a year ago, and at least turned on out television sets during AD's time slot. Because we've all gone and ruined the best show ever by waiting to see the DVD.

Man, are we stupid or what?

OPERATION: HOT MOTHER

Top of the Mornin' to Ya, little boy!

Would you like a bowl of Lucky Charms? Or would you rather see the pot of gold at the end of my rainbow? Let's go here next summer.

Gremlins

My toilet keeps running until I lift the back to see what's the matter, at which point it stops.

This is happening with every flush. And no matter when I go to check for a problem, be it 2 minutes or 2 hours.

I think the chain must be getting caught.

Slanginess

Drew and I work for the same company - I got him his start. But now he's graduated from the management training program, and we're essentially on equal footing. This means its time for a friendly wager. We decided on a race to see who could climb the retail version of the corporate ladder most quickly.

The details are still a little sketchy. That is, I'm not sure what Drew will have to buy/give me when I win yet. I imagine we'll work that out when he comes to visit in early October. There should be no shock to learn that my plan is to eat ass and suck dick all the way to the top, and then wipe the shit and cum off my face with $1,000,000 bills. So Drew, you'll have to come up with a different plan.

Wow, that sentence was sure fun to write. I hope you enjoy reading it. Is it too vulgar? Or just too honest? Remember what it was like to be young and idealistic and feel like you had the whole world in the palm of your hand? Neither do I.

Anyway enough rambling, and on to the point: Our jobs have gone through an equally slow and yet painfully sudden change. Where sales managers were once were empowered to make important decisions about the growth of their business, we now have pom poms, leggings and short, short skirts.

We're executioners dressed up as cheerleaders; all the while screaming "Isn't our company great!?!"

I love it.

Seriously it is a lot of fun.

But sometimes it's hard to find new ways to motivate your team to do the exact same tasks they've been doing for weeks-if-not-months. That's really where the fun comes in, and Drew and I seem to use at least one similar tactic:

INCORPORATE POP-CULTURE REFERENCES

Drew spent weeks telling people "It sizes and colorizes, or else it gets the hose again!" I'm pretty sure no one ever got it, but they we're sufficiently creeped out to speedily run away and find a project.

I started my pop culture reference with "Make it Work." Apparently no one on my team is a big Project Runway fan. So I've switched it up a bit, and gone with a commercial. So now when someone looks as though he's up to no good: "You agitatin' my dots!?!" I say, and laughs ensue.

Another great technique:

EMPOWERING YOUR TEAM

In attempting to delegate without having to give step-by-step instructions, Drew and I have developed remarkably similar phrases.

His: "Make it look like it was done on purpose."

Mine: "Make it look like you meant to do that."

So basically its a dead heat. Check back in 10 years or so, and we'll see who's really the top in this relationship.


*Apologies to Drew for having ripped off his TM catch-phrases, for accusing him of being a shit eating yuppie, and for implying consensual sex might someday occur between the two of us.